Be Back Soon!

This will probably be my last post for a little while. If you've been reading my blog, then you know that tomorrow I will go into the hospital and then will have a Partial Colectomy on Thursday.

Know this: I am not afraid. Most of the time I would be afraid to have surgery. In fact, I have had three surgeries. The first one was an emergency c-section, I had no time to be scared that time. The second was getting my tonsils out. I was afraid that time. Funny thing is, my sister asked me not too long ago, "You got your tonsils out??" She was the one who took me. Dork. My third surgery was a scheduled c-section, that time I was pretty darned scared. The spinal block made me feel like I couldn't breathe and I had a serious panic attack.

I have studied up on this surgery. I know what to expect. I know that I will be under anesthetic for 2-4 hours and that my doctor is the very best and has performed this procedure many times. I know that I have Jesus on my side. I know that He will be there to guide the doctors. I know that the very worst thing that could happen would be that I would pass from this evil place and into the presence of the Father - worst thing, maybe the best thing. Paul tells us that to die is gain. Of course, I don't want that to happen, I want to watch my children grow up, I want to grow old with Vaughn, but if that's the worst that could happen then I have nothing to be afraid of.

Anyway, after the surgery, I might have a very large incision to take care of, I know I will have some healing time. I have friends and family who have promised to come visit. If you go to First Baptist Church in Borger and you go to the church library to check out a book and its not there, I'm so sorry, Sandi Clark has probably already checked out the entire library to keep me company during my hospital stay. I have some pretty awesome friends. I have some pretty awesome family. I got a pretty special email this morning from my sister-in-law. I am constantly getting reminders of how deeply I am loved. God has me just covered up with love, my cup is just runnin over.

I love you all so much!!

2nd Born

1. WAS YOUR SECOND PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yes

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? Happy

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 24

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? Took a pg test at my cousin's house

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? My cousin

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes

9. DUE DATE? Dec. 4

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? Chocolate milkshake

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? Heartburn

13. WHAT WAS YOUR SECOND CHILD'S SEX? Girl

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? Nope

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Yes

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? No

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Amarillo, TX, NWTH

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? Never had labor

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Geoff

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Geoff

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Scheduled c-section

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Spinal block

25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 7 lbs. 21 oz.

26. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? Nov. 27

27. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Bethanie Jo

I'll play along with ya Holly!

Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note and tag other mommies. Don't forget to tag the original sender so that they can see your answers!

Let's see how much you remember!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? No

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? No

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? Scared, excited, quit smoking

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 22

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? Took a pg test at work

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? My friends that were standing there with me

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes

9. DUE DATE? June 13

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? Chocolate chip cheesecake from Arby's

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? It was HOT!! He was born in the summer and I was so hot the whole last few months.

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? Nope

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Kinda, the girl throwing it forgot to mail the invitations.

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? Not the pregnancy but the birth

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Amarillo, TX, NWTH

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 12

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Geoff, after he took a shower

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Geoff

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Emergency c-section

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Epidural

25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 7 lbs. 14 oz.

26. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? June 18

27. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Austin Sean

And I tag whoever reads this and wants to play along!

And stay tuned for 2nd born!!

Shout out!

I have to take time this morning to pour out the gratitude that is in my heart.

First of all to my God, my Father, my Strong Tower and my Refuge. God has told me that I can rest in Him. That He will comfort me and He is so very faithful. He has surrounded me by His love in so many forms. He has surrounded me with beautiful Kingdom people who pour His love on me. He has surrounded me with evidence of His great love all around. I KNOW that He loves me.

Next, to my Vaughn. The one who is my completion, the piece that makes me whole. The man who has reassured me and stood by me and prayed with me and cried with me. You ARE MY HERO! I have never known love like the love you give to me - I am so very blessed just to know you, and even the more blessed to be your bride. I love you.

To my Mom, who said "If you need me, I'll be there." Mommy, I will always need you, you gave me life, but I have plenty of love and support here right now, I don't need to worry about you trying to get here and finding a place to stay. I need you, now and always, whether you're here or not, so don't worry okay. I'm going to be alright. I'll call you. I promise. I love you.

To our church family, my dear friends. I haven't even known many of you very long and you just take time out of your lives to pour Jesus out on, not just me, but everyone. Its such a refreshing feeling to see people who aren't afraid to love like Christ. I couldn't even begin to list all the names, but you know who you are.

To Geoff and Angie, for helping the kids to understand and for reassuring them of my love for them. For your thoughts, support and prayers. And to Austin and Bethanie, my sunshine, Mommy LOVES YOU!!! I can't wait until Spring Break!

My friends and family, those who have always been there, your love has made me who I am.

God has truly made Himself known in our lives by the people who He has surrounded us with and we are so very thankful for each of you!

If we can pray for you today, please let us know.

Prayer Request

I am asking for your prayers. As you may or may not know, last month I went to the hospital with Divcerticulitis. My body is not responding to the oral antibiotics and it is not healing. I have lived with the pain for over a month now, as well as the side effects of the serious antibiotics that they prescribed to fight it. Vaughn and I went back to the surgeon on Friday after a morning of CT scans and testing, and he is not happy. He has decided that I am much too young to try to wait and see if my body will fight this off. Obviously, it is not getting better. He said that surgery is my only option. I will be going into the hospital on Wednesday through the ER and he will admit me from there and begin to prep me for the surgery. If all goes as planned, I will have the surgery on Thursday to cut out the bad section of my large intestine and attach the two good pieces. He will go in laporoscopically (sp?) and see if he can do the surgery that way, if not, he will make an incision. I will be in the hospital for 5-7 days, and then home for 4-6 weeks.

Our house is almost ready to move into, but someone tried to break into Mom's house a week and a half ago. We have moved back in with her until our house is ready, which has turned out to be a blessing, since I will be on the mend for a while.

We are assured that this is God's will. He has given us a doctor that truly cares about my future and is doing what is necessary to prevent serious complications for me later in life. God has blessed our lives so richly through this and in spite of this, we just can't deny His guidance and beautiful presence through this.

We covet your prayers in this time, I know that Vaughn's prayers are for me to get better, mine are mostly that he doesn't worry so much. I will update everyone as soon as I am well enough.

Blessing and Cursing

James 3:8 tells us "But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison."

DEADLY POISON?? Wow, God tells us that our tongue is full of deadly poison. He goes on to say "Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?"

We all have heard some little old lady ask "Do you kiss your Momma with that mouth?" After someone says something hateful and ugly. But we hardly ever give thought to what God has to say about our words before we speak them.

Proverbs 13:3 says, "He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction."

Last night, I wasn't feeling well. What's new, I haven't felt well in over a month. But last night, in my self-pity, in my greif, in whatever feelings I was feeling, I let myself totally lose control. I sat there and said some pretty hurtful things to my sweet husband.

I get mad at people and I lecture them when they make racial remarks or say something bad about someone. I just HATE those things. Words that breed hate are my biggest pet peeve. I am a very sensitive person and I love to love people and most of the time I beleive that if your words aren't filled with love then they shouldn't be spoken. I don't beleive that words that can hurt should ever leave our mouths. I have been taught that they should be held captive before they ever leave our minds. I FEEL THIS WAY WITH A PASSION.

So what happened? I have no excuse. I have no good reason. I didn't feel well. I was tired. I had a bad day. I could say all these things, but do they matter? No! The ugly words I said caused pain. They hurt the man I love and they cannot be taken back. Love bears all things. My husband loves me and has forgiven me. He's a wonderful man and forgives even before I ask it. But me, I have to forgive myself. I must go on and accept that I can't change what happened.

What can I do? I can learn to filter my thoughts through the Love that is Christ before I let them anywhere near my mouth. I can ask God to help me to only say things that build up my beloved.

That's my prayer today. If I can pray for you today, please let me know.

Lord, Open My Mind

Lord Jesus, open my mind so I can understand Your Word.

I recently began a Beth Moore Bible study. I have been in her Bible studies before and God always uses them to grow me in so many ways. You see, I want to always grow in my walk with God, I pray that I never come to a place where I think I know it all. I take very seriously the foundation laid when Timothy tells us "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."

I want to be like Jesus, you know, in Luke 2, when he went with Mary and Joseph on their yearly trip to Jerusalem for the Passover feast. When they realize the boy is missing and search him out, they find him in the temple, teaching the educated men. His mother asked him, "Why did you do this to us?" You can imagine her worry. He answered her, "How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?" I mean, come on I want people to just KNOW that they will find me about the Father's business.

So anyway, last night in my Beth Moore study when we were talking about the week's lesson, one of the ladies said, "Maybe I'm making this too hard." Wow! That comment struck me like a ton of bricks. This morning as I sat down with my book and my Bible, it struck me again. Okay, if God keeps throwing this statement at me, maybe its something I need to ponder. So I meditate on this. I give it to God and I pray that He show me what I am to learn from this. Then, Beth's simple prayer comes to me, "Lord Jesus, open my mind so I can understand the Scriptures."

Am I supposed to be wracking my brain to find just the right answer for each and every question in this book? Am I going to fail the class and not be able to graduate if I don't make a passing score? Are these the questions I should be asking....duh, NO!!! The question really is: Am I trying so hard to get the right answer that I'm not allowing God to speak to my heart through His Word?

Ah! There it is. There is the point of this comment that God planted in my brain. The reason that she doesn't post the correct answer in the paragraph below the question in some places is that THERE IS NO RIGHT ANSWER. The question is meant to give you a springboard in which God can motivate your heart to find His answer, His will, His blessing.

God created us to fellowship with Him. As Beth said last night, He created in us a "with-need" a need to spend time with Him. We learned last week about free-will offerings. If we do this study every night because we have to, because we don't want to be the one who didn't do their homework next week, then we don't learn anything. If we rush all five days in one hour on the day of class, we don't allow God the time to speak to us. Its the same if you're in a structured study or just in your daily time with God. If you make time for Him, if you give Him some time freely, without the restraint of time. If you freely open your heart and your mind to Him, He can freely speak to them.

So before you go before the Lord today, tonight or in the morning, try not to put Him in a box, don't limit His time or your ability to receive. Pray, "Lord Jesus, open my mind so I can understand Your Word" and freely give your heart, mind and soul, so that He can give Himself to you.

If I can pray for you today, please let me know.

Research Progress

So here I am, I have a project that I have been working on for quite some time now. Can't exactly share specifics just yet, but oh man, today I made some major progress!! Have some waiting to do but I promise I will definately update you whenever the process has made a breakthrough.

For now, though, we will wait and we will meditate on Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."