Monday, August 12, 2013

Love is....

I Corinthians 13: 4-13. As Christian women, we love this section of the Bible. It is the topic of countless memes sent via Home Interiors decor, email quotes, Facebook images and more. It is the romantic hope of our Prince Charming as young ladies. It is Spiritual food during those first few years as a young wife. It is a standing ground during many late night arguments, pleas for marital attention, and early morning meetings with the Father (sobbing, on our knees). 

Some of you have noticed I've been silent for a while. Wedding plans stopped, life took an ugly turn for the worse, and I found myself in a dark, desolate place in my life. . . but here we are. God brought me back here. Back to this place where I seek Him through prayer, through study, through writing - and then - I share it with you. 

In less than a year I have been at the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I have been planning a wedding, charged with a crime, incarcerated, sold everything we owned to start a new life, separated from my husband, moved (at least) three times, been through an amazing Spiritual and emotional training, donated a kidney to save the life of a stranger, and reunited with my love. It is an understatement when I tell you that it has been a VERY. Long. Year. 

I believe that I had come to a place in my life where I had become Spiritually complacent. I was leaning on my husband's Spirituality instead of seeking the Father's face on my own. During my brief incarceration, my sweet Jesus sent me gentle reminders that He will do whatever it takes to beckon me to be with Him. This passage is evidence of that.

We are taught as children "God is Love." So this verse is not just about the warm fuzzy romantic emotion that young women pine over, but it is the attributes of our Bridegroom as He waits for us to seek Him. It is no surprise or accident that it starts out with "Patient". The Greek word for this is μακροθυμέω, or makrothumeō (pronounced mak-roth-oo-meh'-o), with a Strong's number of G3114. It means "to be long spirited, that is, (objectively) forbearing or (subjectively) patient: - bear (suffer) long, be longsuffering, have (long) patience, be patient, patiently endure." 

"Patiently endure." Wow! He patiently endures as we choose everything and everyone but Him. He has called us and we have committed ourselves to Him and yet He stands patiently by as we seek out our own wishes, wants, idols, and - even worse - the world.

As I think back, during my trials this past year, I have been anything but patient. I remember begging God for just a glimpse of what He had planned for me. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Father, can You see me? Don't You know this hurts? Don't You realize that I can't handle this. I know You love me and You don't want me to go through this kind of pain, so are You even watching?

God: Yep.

Me: Really? That's it!? That's all You have for me? Why won't You show me what You have planned for me? I NEED to know.

God: I have.

Me: Huh?

God: Check it out in Jeremiah 29:11 or Psalm 46:10

Me: Yes, yes, I know You have plans for me, and, BE STILL and know that You are God. Oh. Wait. Ohhhhhhh. That's what You have planned for me, right now. Just be still. Just trust in Your plan. Ugh, that's so easy. It's so hard. But it's so easy. 

God: Yep.
Maybe your conversations with the Father don't sound quite like that, but me and my Jesus, well we're cool like that. I don't know what's going to happen. My gorgeous husband has just begun a new career as a truck driver and the thought of him being gone for weeks or more at a time is nearly crippling right now, but one thing I know is that God created me in His image AND God is love AND Love is patient. . . .so I can be patient. I can be still and just KNOW that HE.  IS.  GOD. 

If this touched you in some way, or if you have a need that I can pray for, please feel free to comment or send me an email. And K.M. in FL: I am ever constant in prayer for you, C and M. Thanks for reaching out to me. I love you and so does He.

Monday, September 10, 2012

On My Way

Today I want to tell you about something in my life that has nothing to do with sewing or crafts or my house, just life. Ugly, nasty, painful life....and healing. You see, some of you know that I haven't had the greatest life. It has been hard and it has been ugly and I carry with me some pretty painful scars.

I have to be honest that I have carried blame for some things that happened in my past. I have used my past as an excuse to not participate in my life. Some things had hurt me badly enough to create "tapes" in my head that are set on terminal repeat and beat me down. They echo years of self doubt, mistrust and loathing. I sign my blog every time with a reminder that YOU are worth it, but I live my life with the beleif that I am NOT worth my own love. How crummy is that?

What's worse? I didn't even know most of this stuff was even there. I needed someone who I could trust to point them out and when I finally got tired of being beat down, depressed and shut down, I reached out for that help.

That help came in the form of a program called Pathways. Pathways is an amazing experience-based training that takes place over a four month period. I have just started and let me tell you, it has already changed who I am and who I want to be. I know that I want to love me, I want to find the strength to stand and find joy within my own perception of me.

I am going through this journey with 37 other people. THIRTY-SEVEN hurting souls. THIRTY-SEVEN broken hearts. My friends and I need a little help, if have it to spare. We need your love, your support, and your prayers. Please keep us in your thoughts for the next several months as we battle our inner pain, demons, whatever you want to call it and learn to love and accept ourselves. We would truly appreciate it.

Also, this is not an inexpensive experience. The next step, the Walk, it $800, plus 5 nights in a hotel, and meals. Most of our group is all set, but a few of us are struggling to make this next CRUCIAL step a reality. If you are in a position to help someone LITERALLY save their life, please reach out, send me an email or visit the Pathways Website and click the Donate button. If you choose to donate via the Pathways website, please be sure to email me so that I can give my name and class number so that the wonderful staff knows which class needs to receive your donation.

Thanks for reading, thank you for your prayers, and thank you for being here with me through this amazing journey. And if you need help, if you are hurting, depressed or considering ending your own life, please reach out to me??? Please let me share this amaznig tool, this amaznig gift from God with you? It just might save your life.

Monday, August 27, 2012

I Have a New Husband

And I love him so much! This new love is so amazing that I can't help but share it with everyone.

Many of you know that Vaughn left early this month to go to Pathways. I asked for your love, your prayers, and many of you, I have asked for donations. My husband left me that day and I must admit I'm glad he's gone. He learned there that he had never really loved me. He learned there that he never really loved himself. He learned there that he never really loved God the way he should.

Through a series of exercises that help you to find yourself, your pain, your inner demons - if you will - and your inner child, Vaughn died and this new man found life. The man that struggled with love, commitment, and even his own salvation was left in the rubble of the past and a new man emerged from the ashes.

I can't tell you his story, it's not mine to tell...but I will tell you mine. I leave in a week and a half to go to Pathways myself and I must confess that it's coming way too slowly. You see, if you don't know this about me, I am insecure, untrusting and I live in fear daily. I want to learn to love me so that I can truly love you. Each of you. The people that I come in contact with every day.

If you want to know more about Pathways you can find it on the web at

I need your help. Will you please pray for me?  Vaughn goes back at the same time for his classes, you see he's not done yet, he's still learning and growing. Will you please pray for him? We can use all of the prayers that we can get. Also, it's not an inexpensive program, but to me it's worth it. If you can donate, even a small amount, there's a donate button on the website you can put in my name or Vaughn's and help bless us on this journey.

Most of all, if you want to know how you can find this kind of healing, I can promise you that there's not a single person on this earth who wouldn't benefit from it, please give us a call. We would love to help you to get there.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

How and What to Feed an Orphan Foal

Wow, since I introduced my baby, several people have asked about how and what to feed an orphan foal, so I will share what I have learned. Please, keep in mind that this is all simply from my research online, in books, and with vets. I am not a vet and I do not play one on TV.

First thing we'll cover is WHAT to feed. I found more answers for this than I could contain. The common consensus is that the BEST possible solution for the foal is to find a nurse mare. I even learned that you can even rent one in some places. This gives the foal the closest possible solution to its mother's milk...another horse's milk.

If that is not an option you have several choices:
  1. Foal Milk Replacer: The most common is Foal Lac, carried at most feed stores and formulated to mimic horse milk. I have read that you want to keep an eye on a foal with this, as it can cause diarrhea. An equine or porcine electrolyte solution will help with this as well as Conklin Fastrack probiotics. 
  2. Calf Milk Replacer: If you're like me and this is all your feed store carries, it will do as long as it doesn't contain antibiotics. Watch this also, as it can cause scours as well, so you'll want to treat it as I mentioned above. 
  3. Goat's Milk (fresh): Another awesome solution, as it contains antibodies and is natural rather than synthetic. It can be pricey; however, so may not be the best option for some folks. Around $10 a gallon or more and most foals will drink a gallon or more a day. 
  4. 2% Milk: Yup, that's right, people milk...well, cow's milk, really, but the milk that we drink, right from the grocery store. Whole milk has too much fat in it, so 2% it must be. Only one drawback, 2% milk does not contain enough sugar, so you will need to add a tablespoon of honey per pint. How's that for a sweet colt??
So there you go, the best options I found for what to feed your foal. Do your research, check on your own and decide what is best for you and your baby. Most foals will drink 2-4 pints every 6 hours for the first several months. I allow my foal to drink until he is done. At 2 months, we're right at 4 pints a feeding.

Next, HOW to feed.

First thing you have to do (hopefully just for the first feeding, the first few perhaps) is restrain the baby. He doesn't know that you are here to feed him and he is scared of you. It will take more than one person for this first few feedings. The first thing is to restrain the baby. I did not have a helper to take a picture of this, so I borrowed this picture from AQHA's website:
 Hold the baby around the neck and the rump securely so that the person feeding can use both hands to feed the baby.

Feeding has two options, bottle or bucket. I started with the bottle and moved to the bucket. I read that the bottle feeding causes really mouthy babies who become really mouthy horses who don't respect your space.

To bottle feed, you may have to use your fingers to open the baby's mouth a time or two so that you can introduce a bottle. A calf bottle is really too big for most foals. A lamb bottle or a leather glove attached to a soda bottle will work as well. I had to squeeze the bottle a bit the first time so he would realize that there was milk in it, once he figured that out, he sucked it down like a champ.

To bucket feed, once the foal knows the smell of the milk, he may just take to it, that's what my baby did. Others, you will have to show them. Simply guide their muzzle down into the bucket and encourage suckling by putting a finger in their mouth. Once they begin to suck and get the milk, you're all set.

I hope that this information helps someone else. I will post more information as we go. I will post how I halter trained him and taught him to give me his feet, as well as introducing him to the other horses. Thanks for stopping by.