Kaci's Ramblings

Good Monday morning to you! I pray it finds you blessed!

This time has been hard for me. All the parents joyous over the kids going back to school, the new school year beginning. For them, it is simply an end to summer, a return to the normal routine of everyday life. For me, it is the end of my visitation. Back to school, seems more like death for me. A return for my heart to hibernation so I don't feel the loss of my children so deeply. Psalm 56:11 says "In God I have put my trust, I will not be afraid." Oh, I am trying, I am trying so hard, but those of you who are mothers, you can hopefully understand my trepidation. In twelve days, their father will be here. The actual goodbye is the hardest part. My daughter screams and kicks and begs to stay. While she loves her father and misses
him dearly, she doesn't want to be taken so far away from me either.

She cried last night, "Mommy I am so sorry Daddy took me so far away from you. I am so sorry we have to go back." I assured her that we would always be together in our hearts and that's a bridge no one can break. I told her to stop saying she is sorry for something she didn't do and has no control over. I assured her that God has a plan and that He would make it all better one day. She liked that idea and went to sleep.

I spend a lot of time in prayer these days, for strength, for understanding and for peace. I know He has a plan. I know He will get glory from this in the end. And I know He won't give me more than I can handle....just wish he didn't trust me so much sometimes. My faith is my rock, the foundation upon which I stand through these difficult times. My Father wraps His loving arms around me and holds me as I weep. It will be hard, it will hurt, but through Him, depending on my faith and leaning on my Christian friends, I will make it through.

I don't have any great words of wisdom here, I just ask for your prayers through this time. My friends, the comfort God has brought me to see me through this, I love you all.

God bless,
Kaci