It's been quite a while since I've posted here. So much has happened and I just haven't had the time to sit down with this little blog and keep it going. But I am back and I will try to maintain my presence here.

In June we lost Mom. It was a most beautiful, but sad experience. Around 5:00 a.m., she pushed the LifeLine button and they called me stating that she needed help to the restroom, so Vaughn went with me to help. The last few days had been a struggle for her and I was very tired, I was thankful for the help. We helped her to the bedside potty and back and she asked us to stay with her for a little while. She dozed in and out and talked the whole time. At one point, my sweet husband asked his mother, "Mom, why don't you just let go?"

Her response scared us for a minute, she said that no one was there. Then she smiled and said "Hi" to whomever it was, and told us, "There He is." She once again began speaking to people and rested. A little bit later, she asked us to hold her hand, shaking from the tremors that had racked her life for so long now. We took her hands in ours and held her gently. She told Vaughn she loved him and smiled, looking into his eyes in her gentle way and in a few minutes, the shaking stopped. The violent tremor that had been my companion as I cared for her all this time, suddenly slipped away as she was welcomed Home into the arms of her Father, her parents, and her beloved, Billy Ray Lusk.

That day was the hardest day of my life to that point. The last several years devoted solely to her, my occupation, my home, my life chosen to accommodate her, and she was gone. It wasn't so bad until the wonderful men from Brown's gently took her away. As they removed her from her home, the only place she ever felt "at home," as she told us on more than one occasion, it hit me like a cannon shot to the chest. She was gone! Who am I without her? Who is a caregiver with no one to care for? What was I to do if not care for her? I had a meticulous schedule that allowed me to work, care for my home and my husband, and care for her. Now what would I do with all that time that was scheduled for her? What would become of the person I had become?

The funeral was beautiful, just as she had planned it. Pastor Steve brought the message from Mom's favorite book of the Bible, Ruth, a beautiful message about salvation and second chances. Praise God that He is a God of second chances. I am so thankful for His grace in my life and for mom's second chance; that she came back to Him 4 years ago and went Home peacefully. I pray that some damaged relationships in my life will feel His grace and second chances as well.

Mom's little dog, Missy, came to live with us. I know that some days she is still very sad and misses mom as much as we do, but she is getting better. I am still slowly learning to do things again: to go to the store and only get one basket, to look at grapes without crying, that it is okay to go on living,  and to find comfort in the fact that she is no longer suffering. My daughter finds peace sitting in Mom's garden, she says Mom talks to her there. Mom and Bethanie enjoyed many long talks, and they were so very close. I find peace in knowing that Mom's garden has become a special place to my little girl as well. Zach lived in the house with Mom and, just like she wanted, he lives there still. It has taken him some time, but he has moved into the living room just this week. Finally making the house his home, not just the back bedroom where he stayed while she lived in the front.

Many things have to change when life changes. We have to have faith like she did, that God has all of this in His strong, capable hands, and that it will all work out for His glory. I will post again soon and continue to update you all on the changes that have come this summer.

Thank you all for reading my silly little ramblings and for being a part of my life. 

9/11

Do you remember where you were that morning? I remember it vividly. I was HUGELY pregnant with Miss Bethanie. I was getting ready for work, getting Austin ready for the sitter's. I had Good Morning America on. Then it came, the first announcement. Charlie Gibson, noticeably shaken informed the world that a plane had just crashed into the first tower.

At this point there was no idea why. Maybe it was an equipment failure? Maybe it was a miscalculation? No one even mentioned hijacked planes or terrorism. Being hormonal and pregnant, I cried a little, scooped up my little boy and went on about my morning routine. I prayed for those involved, I checked the TV often and I went on.

By the time I got to work though, the word hung in the air like an sharp sword "Terrorists!" The second tower had been hit and they were sure it was an attack.

An attack? Here? Right here in the US? What!!?? No!!!

By 10:00, my boss had to send me home. They were sending home anyone who had someone there, which I didn't but I was hysterical. "I mean, how could I bring a child into a world like this? How can I subject her to such pain, such fear. such VIOLENCE??? Somebody explain this to me? Please?? I don't understand why someone would do this? What kind of mother am I??"

Wow, as I typed those thoughts, I felt them again...real as that day. I was a mess. I went home and I cried. I held my baby boy, I held my belly with my daughter in it and I cried. I put a picture of the newspaper in my son's scrapbook and I explained it to him the best I could. I cried and I cried. I prayed and I prayed.

About 3 days into the footage and a thousand times of watching the same videos over and over, I couldn't do it anymore. I finally found a flag on eBay and hug it outside and I turned off the TV. I took my son to the park. I called my sister and I cried. I called my mom and I cried. I called my grandma and we prayed.

I went back to work the next week and nothing was the same. Instead of fighting with each other, everyone was unified. Hell-bent and determined not to let the terrorists win. Trusting in God to sort it all out. Praying together. Standing together. The true meaning of United.

Remember friends, when we learned the real meaning of the "United" States? When our firemen and police officers and military came from all over the US to New York to help out? When we sent water and canned food to help out? When we held hands and prayed together? When we baked cookies and took them to the fire station? If you do, don't let it stop. If you don't, maybe its time to start.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all of our service men and women and to their families! We appreciate all you do for us!!

I leave you with this verse:
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. 2 Chron. 7:14

Update and Prayer Request

Both of the families in this post are close to my heart, so please understand if I cry a bit as I post.

Esther Joy Travis has gone to be with the Lord. Here is the email I received from Adam & Jennifer:

Esther entered into
the Joy of her Lord, from death unto life eternal at 4:25pm Saturday, May 9, 2009.

Touches of grace : (things Esther said over this last week)

1. 4-30-09 Thursday morning she woke up and wanted to eat Adam remembers that prayer, She was so grateful to eat! Daddy asked her if she had seen Jesus. Esther said YES and Adam asked when. Esther said,"While I was praying for my food I saw Him in my heart". Adam went on to ask if He said anything and she said, "He said I will be with you." Anxious that she was going to go Adam asked "Is he with you now?" She replied,"He is always in my heart Daddy! He said I WILL be with you." Adam is still laughing about how silly his question was. =)

2. 4-30-09 We were watching a movie but she wasn't really watching so I asked her what she was thinking about she replied" I was thinking about how special Jesus is". I said, Yes, He is special, what special thing where you thinking about? She said" How strong He is".

3. 5-3-09 Sunday Adam walked the kids over to Sunday school and came back to help me with Esther. When she realized he was back she said, "Daddy you can go". He explained he was staying to help me with her and I ask, do you want Daddy to go? Esther nodded and said "Yes, I want you to go teach the Indians about Jesus".

4. 5-3-09 That night we had taken her into the hospital for platelets and two red cell transfusions. She sat up with a smile and wanted to hug me I will always remember those little boney arms with her pick line brace squeezing my neck as she spoke the words I love you mommy for the last time.
I was headed to get her meds a little later and she muttered "Don't worry about me mommy, Jesus will be with me."

5. 5-8-09 For fun when Daddy wiped an eyelash off her cheek he asked what she wished for. Esther said (what we would later know was her real last conversation) "I wish to go to heaven".

6. 5-9-09 After a hard night and morning we were able at 2:30 to get her pain finally to subside. We fell asleep stretched out by her. The Lord sent a total stranger to wake us up (a man from Southwood Baptist Church, who said they had taken up a collection for us and had been praying for us) as Adam started to visit with him I realized Esther was taking her last few breathes. I called Adam he excused himself and we along with her two older siblings Jonathan and Deborah were able to be with her as she took her last. The Lord answered our prayer to both be with her as she passed on.

Viewing will be Monday at Freeman & Harris - (918) 749-3333, 3333 E. 41st, Tulsa, OK 74135.

The Funeral on Tuesday morning 10:00am at Southeast Baptist Church - (918) 836-6617, 1402 S. Memorial Dr. , Tulsa, OK. 74112

Please pray for this family. They have the strength of the Lord on their side, but please pray that he give them peace during this time.



Also, please pray for my friend, Lee Price. He is the brother of my boss and the Pastor that we went to visit in Colorado. He runs the homeless mission that we went to work at there in Newcastle and Glenwood Springs. Lee has not been well for some time now. He may have contracted a virus in Thailand a while back. All his lab work comes back normal, but he has fought and fought to get well, only to get worse. This morning, along with his wife and parents, he is traveling to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. Please lift this family and the doctors up in your prayers.

Thank you so much. If I can pray for you, please let me know.

Project 365

Okay, so today I begin Project 365, a picture everyday of just whatever. Here is my picture for today:

My picture today is actually a picture of this blog. Today was a very difficult day for me. We lost our precious boy Solomon yesterday in a tragic accident. I want to say thank you to everyone who called and commented and emailed. It means the world to me that God has surrounded us with His love in the form of some great Kingdom people.

To my friends in Paws N' Claws, thank you, Sawyer, Cathy, Marvel, all of you, thank you! Words cannot express my gratitude through this hard time. Cathy, thank you for talking to me as I drove to the barn. Sawyer, I know who will cry with me, thank you for your love.

I even made some new friends through this, Shauna Russ and her service dog, a beautiful pit named Phoebe. Marie Vaughn, a proud pit momma in Hot Springs, AR. And Toni Phillips from Mariah's Promise Animal Sanctuary in CO. These sweet ladies spoke some wonderful words of God's promises to me. Thanks girls!

For now, we are sad. Our boy is gone. Today, I stayed busy, tried to keep my mind off of it all. Then tonight, as we sat watching movies, I fell apart, I just started crying. Vaughn looked at me and asked what was wrong and that opened the floodgate. I fell into tiny pieces, just crying so hard. He held me and we both cried. I know that the hurt will not last forever, God promises us in Psalm 30:5 "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

And I know that one day soon, my words will be that of Psalm 30: 11-12 "Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever."

If you're wondering what Project 365 is, check out Becky Higgins' site listed in my blog list.

In Memory

Solomon Lusk

Yesterday morning, we lost our boy Solomon. Thank you to everyone who has responded to me already. Thank you for your love and for your prayers and for your concern. Vaughn & I still hurt, but we know that God will heal our hurt in time. Enjoy the slide show of our beautiful boy.